“Am I really loveable? I am not so sure…”
Dr Allegra says….
What would life be like if there was less yelling on a regular basis if there was less frustration, more ease, greater amounts of happiness, and deeper levels of being able to listen and connect?
What if arguing wasn’t a default way to communicate?
How would your relationships change if this life was a possibility for you?
Relationships can be the best and worst thing about being human.
BUT YOU HAVE OPTIONS!!!
This is the second post debunking relationship myths.
Check out the first myth here where I talk more about my personal relationship with my husband and our journey.
You can find myth #2 here.
MYTH #4: You must change to be lovable
“You’ve got to be a better person, otherwise, we cannot do this.”
“You know, you’ve got to lose weight, otherwise, nobody’s going to love you.”
It’s totally wrong, because if you love yourself for who you are, right here, right now…nothing else really matters. You can love yourself now and be loved by others even when seeking to evolve and better yourself.
You give yourself permission, then, to actually enjoy a relationship with yourself, instead of beating yourself up all the time. If you tell yourself, “When this happens, then, I’ll be worthy.” You’re dangling the carrot of acceptance in front of yourself.
On my path, part of my self-care journey was, I wanted to be healthy enough, happy enough, and balanced enough, to be worthy of my husband’s love. That was a good push to get me started, but I soon realized that, ultimately, if I didn’t love myself, I was never going to be happy. Therefore, he was not going to be happy by my side. So, I transformed this thought from, “I need to be better to be worthy of you,” into “I need to be better for myself, because I’m worth it.”
It took me a long time to be able to honestly say this, even in my mind. It was kind of ridiculous. But, it’s a struggle that is so common. “If I get this degree, then…” “If I finish this class,” “If I just get through this spring,” “If I can just manage to DO this thing, to BE this thing, to LOOK this way, THEN I’ll be lovable.” Well, that’s always going to be an obstacle, because there will always going to be something else that needs to be completed or achieved.
In the next post in this series, I’ll cover another myth about relationships. Your homework for today is to see how you can nourish your relationships by reminding yourself that even the best relationships require patience and kind attention.
Need more help with your self-care?
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4. Dr. Allegra’s bestselling book, Nourishing Space Within: Essentials of Self-Care, to teach you how to use these tools easily and effectively!
We all can use healthier options.
When will you start?
If you have a question for Dr. Allegra you would like considered, please submit it to firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject “The Doctor Is In Question”.